...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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