If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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