Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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