Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
