You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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