I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize