No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
