Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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