I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
