apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
