you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
