I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
