69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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