Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Randomize
