I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
