Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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