She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
