Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
