i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
