Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
