Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I need a beard to bite.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
