I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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