I think im going to throw up on grandma
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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