we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
