God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
