I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize