a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
