I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
