I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
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Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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