I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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