In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
