She went from zero to smokin in five shots
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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