he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
where are my eyebrows?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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