Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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