currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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