Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
