Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are