Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I can text with my tongue
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
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Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
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The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.