hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
