i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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