He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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