so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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