I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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