also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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