So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
His nipple licking is glorious
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