there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
