Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
