Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
