A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
