So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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