Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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