she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
