So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
