Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
