I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
