I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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