OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
