I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
this is an emotional support booty call
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
