And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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