Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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