wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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