fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
