I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
