I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
