We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
