The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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