I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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