Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's never too late to be topless.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
