No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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