Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
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