College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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