if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
