bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
where are my eyebrows?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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