yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
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After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
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Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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