90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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