if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.