i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
