Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
