the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
no you cant smoke seaweed
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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