FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
