Four minutes until I can fart!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
