I cannot find my penis.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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