is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
