I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
