I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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