I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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