so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
this just has baby written all over it
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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