I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
